I'm Not Worth It
by kuku88
Summary: I'm not worth it. I'm not, I'm not, I'm not. Karai swallowed, locking the thought in the back of her mind. "Leo..." she whispered, his name flooding her with warmth. "Will you come? Will you come and rescue me?" Rated K, R&R please!


**I'm Not Worth It:**

_Because **"The Wrath of Tiger Claw"** was fudgin' amazing and my feels explode every time I watch it. I figured I'd write a story for it, so HEREYOUGOLOLOL. _

* * *

What was probably only minutes seemed to stretch on into hours. Time slowed down around the young girl, standing behind bars. The way she'd come to be there was a twisted and dark story, one she herself couldn't quite believe. She felt sick as she thought about it.

What should've been _the _night; the one night she succeeded in making her father proud of her, became the most nightmarish day of her life. Not only had she been locked up by her own father, she'd found out he wasn't even her father at all.

Oroku Saki. A liar. Maybe she should've seen it coming. He was intent on revenge, after all. But...she'd always thought that he wanted to kill Hamato Yoshi because Yoshi had so-called killed Tang Shen, a woman they both loved. When the girl was young, she had liked to think Saki had also wanted to kill Yoshi because Yoshi had put his daughter in danger.

But no. It was all a lie. She sat down against the cold, hard wall, blinking back those droplets of tears she so hated. She didn't want to cry. Hamato Yoshi; no, _Splinter_, was her real father. Something about the thought twisted her stomach the wrong way, giving her a bad taste and a warm feeling all at the same time.

She stared at her hand, and at her own body. She was still dressed in her armour even though it was now nighttime. Any other night, she'd be sitting on her bed staring at the picture of her mother, Tang Shen. She squeezed her eyes shut. Even my name is a lie, she realized.

_I'm not Karai. My name is Miwa._

"Miwa," she whispered, tasting the name on her tongue. It felt foreign and strange; as if she'd just been introduced to a new person she didn't even recognize. It didn't feel like she was talking to herself; calling her own name.

Karai stood up, stumbling toward the bars. She grabbed and shook them, the cold bars pressing against her palms. "Let me out!" she shouted.

No one heard her.

"Shredder," she choked, "no; Oroku Saki...please let me out." The dungeon around her was empty. Now she was still alone, but in a different way. This time she knew for sure that she'd never have a real family. Back then, she'd never held Shredder's business against him. She knew what he wanted, and while she had told a certain someone she thought he needed a hobby, she really had been fine with it. But now she'd dishonoured and betrayed the Shredder, something he had told her was the worst thing anyone could bring upon their family.

Scoffing slightly, Karai leaned against the metal bars of her cage. _What a laugh,_ she thought, _the idea of the Shredder or even me having any honour. We have no honour. I thought I could change that—but I was wrong._

And now not even Splinter, whom she'd hurled insults and hatred at, would probably want her back. Not after she had tried to betray his new family once again. Especially that certain someone.

_I'm not worth it._

The very thought of that someone made her heart race. Blinking back more oncoming tears, she stared forward at the door on the far end of the room. Locking up his own so-called daughter, who wasn't really his daughter at all. A thought inside of her struggled to remain defiant and stubborn: _if he hadn't locked that door, I would've already broken out._ However, the longer she stared at the keyhole of her cell door, the more she realized that wasn't true. She was really stuck; a prisoner for the first time in her life.

_Had the Shredder ever loved me?_

Thinking back on the past, she couldn't remember the last time he'd said "I love you". He'd always been too busy to play.

Taking a deep, shaky breath, Karai let her head hit the bars, feeling cold. She was a kunoichi. She was a ninja. She shouldn't be held captive with no way to escape.

Karai stared at the door, wishing someone would come through it. Whoever came first, maybe she'd listen to them first. If the Shredder came in telling her to forget Splinter's words, she would agree.

Despite telling herself this, Karai's heart seemed to rebel against the idea. She couldn't betray that someone like that again. She'd done it too many times.

Her mind drifted back to that "certain someone", the someone who'd trusted her and had faith in her for the first time. He'd believed in her even after she'd used his trust to her advantage again and again. Karai felt sick to her stomach, thinking back to how much she'd wanted to kill Splinter and his adopted family.

She had almost become a mini Shredder, and she had a disgusting feeling that that was what her "father" had wanted. He'd _wanted _her to hate them enough to kill them. And she had. But now that she'd found out it was all a lie...

She had hurt the only person—or rather, the only _being_—who'd ever had faith in her, who had held onto that faith after she had betrayed him so many times. But now, she was afraid she'd gone too far. Had she finally done it? Had she finally broken his trust? Would he still believe in her, after everything she'd done? Karai had done her best to redeem herself, helping him fight against Tiger Claw, one of Shredder's mutants. Yet she wondered if it had been enough to earn back her honour.

_I'm not worth it._

Closing her eyes, Karai loosened her grip on the metal bars and turned around. She sank to the ground, resting her head on her knees. The picture of Tang Shen, her mother, fell out of her pocket and floated to the ground.

Karai stared at it for a few moments, imagining the other half of the ripped photo. The half with Hamato Yoshi on it. She picked it up and held it close.

Karai closed her eyes, looking away from the photo. Did that someone still believe in her after everything? Would he come and rescue her?

_I'm not worth it._

His blue eyes seemed to bore into hers, the image of his face so real she almost thought he _had _ come to rescue her after all. But when she opened her eyes, the picture was gone. More tears came to her eyes; these ones she let fall.

_Leonardo..._

The name was like a wisp of fresh air for her jumbled thoughts. Everything seemed to clear, and new hope blossomed inside of her. She hoped he would come. She hoped he would rescue her. She hoped he still trusted her.

And yet, she also hoped he wouldn't. Karai didn't want to put him in any further danger, and she didn't want him to see her—not like this: weak, captured, and behind bars. Still, she wanted to be saved and Leo was definitely a knight in shining armour... Maybe not _her _knight, even if she wished he was, but he had a sense of right and wrong. Maybe he'd try to save her after all. Karai held onto that thought, ignoring a tiny voice in her head that kept repeating:

_I'm not worth it. I'm not, I'm not, I'm not._

Karai swallowed, locking the thought in the back of her mind.

"Leo..." she whispered, his name flooding her with warmth. "Will you come? Will you come and rescue me?"

* * *

"It's not right," he muttered for the umpteenth time that night. He'd come home, conflicted and guilty. He had failed his mission.

His baby brother lay with their father, still unconscious. He could make out some of the words his other brother, Donatello, was saying.

"He's going to live, but he got hurt really badly tonight, Master Splinter." Donnie hesitated. "Maybe this whole thing with Karai is—"

His father held up a hand. "Enough, Donatello. Go find Raphael and help him with Casey. I will stay here and look after Michelangelo."

"...Yes, Master." Donnie blinked, before bowing and backing away. When he turned to see his brother still lingering in the doorway, Donatello nodded at him comfortingly. "It'll be okay, Leo; I'm sure of it."

Leo nodded tensely, not moving until Donnie had gone. Then he slowly walked inside. Splinter didn't look up. A few moments of heavy silence passed, where Michelangelo groaned a few times.

Finally, Leo tried to speak. The words were catching in his throat, refusing to come out. He forced them through his lips, or the stinging sensation they brought would never leave. "Master Splinter," he began slowly, "I'm sorry."

Sighing, Splinter closed his eyes and turned just slightly. "What for, Leonardo?"

"I did the wrong thing tonight, didn't I? I failed you," Leonardo hesitated. "In bringing Karai here and putting everyone in danger, I messed everything up. I just...I wasn't thinking. I really wanted you to see her again; to see her when she believed that you were her real father. I was so excited to see her on our side—" The words Leo had had such problem saying suddenly began tumbling out, until he was rambling.

"Leonardo," Splinter interrupted. "I know you meant well, and you did nothing wrong in trusting in Karai's goodness. But as I said to her, she is who she wants to be, and not who others want her to be. Joining us will be Karai's choice. Leave her be."

Something flashed within Leonardo, and he hesitated for a moment. Then he plunged into unknown territory: defying his master. "But Master Splinter—no, _Hamato Yoshi_—your own daughter is in danger! The Shredder..."

"He has raised her as his daughter. I do not believe he would bring harm to Karai," Splinter said firmly. "Leave it be, Leonardo."

"But—" This time Leo cut himself off, clamping his mouth shut. He bowed. "Yes, Master Splinter."

Splinter sighed again, turning back to Mikey's sleeping face. "Go and rest," he suggested, this time in a much softer tone, "we've had a very tiring day."

Leonardo bowed once more before walking toward the door. He glanced back at Splinter and Mikey one more time, before closing the sliding door and walking out into the room with the giant tree.

_Is she worth it?_

Outside he could hear April and Raphael talking as they tended to Casey.

"I can't believe we trusted Karai. Leo can be so stupid when his emotions get in the way," Raph was saying.

"I think it's kind of cute," April replied mildly.

Leonardo stood behind the door, watching them as they chatted amongst themselves, about Karai and Leo. They had no idea he was standing there.

"M-My emotions sometimes get in the way too, April," Donatello offered, clearly trying to impress her. Donnie had had a crush on April since he'd first met her. Leonardo smiled in slight amusement despite himself.

"Yeah; so much so your brain stops working," snapped Raphael. Leo stopped, his smile dropping. _Ah, yes. Raph; ever the hothead._

Donnie glared at his brother. "Shut it, Raph."

Raphael snorted. "I just can't believe Leo willingly led the princess of the Foot Clan to our lair after she'd tried to kill us how many times! I bet the Daddy's little girl is being welcomed back to the Shredder's lair with praise for infiltrating our home. She's going to tell him everything."

"Leave Leo alone, Raph. He's had a hard enough time as it is. You mutants need to stick together; as well as family—and Karai's a part of that. I thought she was a witch too, but she honestly doesn't seem to be too bad once you get to know her," April said, sending Raphael a stern look. He just grunted and looked away.

Leonardo blinked thankfully from where he was, managing another small smile. But then he sighed. He still wasn't sure if he should disobey Splinter and try to rescue Karai though.

_Is she worth it?_

Groaning, Casey's eyes blinked open. He stared at the hazy shapes before him, before saying groggily, "April, are you my princess in another castle?"

"What?" both Donnie and April stated, staring at Casey.

Casey sat up and let out a low moan, with April immediately forgetting his words and tending to his wounds. Donnie let out a huff of jealousy.

Raphael sat in front of Casey, staring at the boy's bruised and battered face. "Okay, Casey; how are you feeling?"

"I feel like I fell off a building," Casey muttered.

"That's probably because you were," Raph finally commented.

April shot him a look, raising an eyebrow. "So maybe instead of sitting there, you could grab a medicine kit for both Mikey and Casey."

"Okay, okay." Raphael stood up and stalked toward the door where Leonardo was standing. Raph opened it and came face-to-face with his leader. "Oh...hi, Leo," he grunted.

"...Hi," Leonardo finally responded.

Raphael paused for a moment. "You know, about you and Karai..."

"I don't want to talk about it," Leonardo interrupted, shoving past his brother. He glanced back. "...You've already had the fun of proving me wrong. Now leave it."

Raphael stared after Leo as the leader walked off.

Leo made it to his room and shut the door, sliding down against the walls. He felt safe and secure in here; closed and alone. He could finally think.

_Is she worth it?_

He wondered if Karai was safe; if Splinter and Raph were right: would Shredder really not hurt the girl he'd raised since she was a baby? Would Karai really betray them—_him_—again?

The last question he decided to answer with a "no". Leonardo wasn't sure if it was denial talking, but he concluded that Karai had really meant it when she said she'd help them. She had said she wanted to redeem herself, and she'd lied to him too many times for him not to be able to tell the difference. Or at least he hoped so.

Leo tried to meditate and relax. He wanted to clear his mind of his conflicted thoughts and decide on what was right. It hardly worked though, as when one side made a good argument and he began leaning toward it, the other side retaliated. In the end of his meditating session, he was in the exact same state of conflict as he had been _before _the meditating session.

Sighing, Leonardo stood up and stared at his two katana blades. The picture of Karai's face slipped into his mind: the times she had glared at him and called him names, and the times when she had smiled and bantered with him. The memories were suddenly pitted against each other to see which one showed Karai's true colours.

_Is she worth it?_

But then a certain image of Karai helped Leonardo come to a decision: it was the wide-eyed look she'd given him when she had told him she believed Splinter was her father. That one look; it hadn't been filled with contempt and it wasn't a teasing smirk. It had been a genuine look of trust, even if it did turn out to be fake later on.

But then he remembered the look of determination she'd had when she had rescued him from Tiger Claw's blade. Embarrassment flooded him when he thought of nearly being killed again, something he appeared to be doing on a daily basis when saving the world (even if it _was _usually by accident or for heroism). He was embarrassed Karai had had to intervene, but was more upset with himself for putting Karai in that situation in the first place.

If he'd held his position for just a little longer, Karai wouldn't have had to step in and save him. Then Tiger Claw wouldn't have been able to catch her and take her back to the Shredder.

Leonardo decided: it was his fault Karai had been nearly killed and taken away. He wouldn't lose her again; not after he was so close to winning her over. She had tried to save him, and now he would try and save her. _Even if Master Splinter doesn't want to believe the Shredder would hurt Karai, I think she's in danger. _

_She is worth it._

"Miwa...no, Karai," Leonardo whispered. Her name tasted like refreshing ice on his tongue, and he took a deep breath as he grabbed his katanas. "Wait for me. I swear I'll rescue you."

_I will save her,_ he promised silently. _Because she is worth it and so much more._

* * *

_I wanted to be cheesy, so if it worked than that can be seen as either a bad or a good thing. I just...I can't. This episode, guys. It's so messed up and I have so many goddamn feels from it. Leorai. It's frickin' adorable. ;w;_

_Looking forward to next episode, which airs on my birthday and Father's Day! :D_


End file.
